I’m sure we all know the feeling well. It starts with a nose sniffle when you wake up in the morning, then your throat feels a bit dry and before you know it your voice is husky enough to pull an Alaskan snow sled. You’ve got a cold. Though a great excuse to lounge around in pyjamas and go to bed early, colds make your nose red and your head ache, and this week I’ve been feeling sorry for myself because I’ve got one. This particular specimen of cold has been all about the sneeze which I have to admit has been a little bit fun. I do like a big dramatic sneeze every so often, one of those real attention grabbers, but otherwise I have been trying desperately to get rid of it with copious amounts of lemsip, kiwi fruit, and even a hearty broth, but nothing seems to have been working.
The cold should by now be a thing of the past, something like consumption that we read about in history books, and this is because the Japanese Fuji Spinning Company have been busily developing a brand new fabric fibre which contains a chemical called pro-vitamin. When this chemical comes into contact with human skin it magically turns into cold fighting Vitamin C. With as much citrus goodness as two lemons, wearing one of these t-shirts is good for your health! You know what they say, ‘A t-shirt a day keeps the doctor away’, and they even remain effective for up to 30 washes. But before waving a fond farewell to the flu-jab you’ll have to find somewhere to buy one of these nutritious t-shirts, as they do seem to be a bit elusive at the moment. So to help me shake off my cold I might instead resort to wearing this fruity creation from Threadless, and remember that though the Japanese may be able to manufacture vitamin fibres, mother nature provides all the cold-fighting superpowers you need beneath the peel of an orange, just give it a little squeeze…aaand you know, the orange has a certain charm (nudge nudge, wink wink). If there’s someone you’ve got your ‘glad eye’ on, and they’re feeling a bit under the weather, an orange with a smiley face quirkily drawn on works a charm. Me and my housemate Emma call it “the juicer”. It’s a failsafe seduction technique…but keep it to yourself or else everyone will find out.
No colds for this chap
